I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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