let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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