Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
