Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
