Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
