pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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