I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
