Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
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I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
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I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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