For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
