Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
