everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
this will be a night to untag.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
