A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
