dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
