Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
