i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
