She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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