i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
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I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
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I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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