So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
