I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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