Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
