i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just google imaged poop.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
