I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
