I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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