just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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