fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
