would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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