You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
