did you get engaged???
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The beer is more important than you right now.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
