He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
