can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
