Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
