The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
