I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?