Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday

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(913): View more from Kansas

He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.

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(419): View more from Ohio

You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....

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(925): View more from California

I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.

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These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Read it at the TFLN blog
(717): View more from Pennsylvania

and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.

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(951): View more from California

I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.

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(208): View more from Idaho

God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.

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