Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.