so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
