dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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