fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
