Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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