If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
