you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Found your dick twin last night
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
