Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
