grandma shit on top of the toilet
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
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I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
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Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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