How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
