a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My vagina just recognized that song.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize