would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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