Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
