Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
