im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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