My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
