My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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