you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
