Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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