you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
