JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize