My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
