when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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