This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
