We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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