i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
