I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
