It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
