Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
