I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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