That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize