Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
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