addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
