when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
How external is "for external use only"?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
