Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
