I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
