Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
