yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
