after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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