Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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